Breaking Dawn: Part 1 (2011)
So, I just saw Breaking Dawn: Part 1 with a few friends last night. A sister of one of those friends (who is, in fact, a big fan of Twilight ) said it was a total waste of money, which I only half agree with. While it was utterly ridiculous, it was ultimately worth it, simply to be able to read Cleolinda’s Movie in Fifteen Minutes version. And for the laughs, of course.
(WARNING: May contain some spoilers.)
What does make it worth seeing:
1. There were a few moments that were genuinely amusing, such as when Bella and Edward are about to have sex for the first time. While I don’t usually enjoy Bella at all, it was kind of cute (and realistic ) to see her nervously preparing for her first time, which included shaving her legs (also realistic). Anna Kendrick’s speech at Bella’s wedding was hilarious too, and made me wonder why we don’t see more of her, and the Volturi made an appearance in the ending credits with some snooty quips.
2. Many of the characters besides Bella and Edward are actually very endearing. Billy Burke, who plays Charlie Swan, is always funny, and doesn’t disappoint with his overprotective-dad antics. I also love Ashley Greene and Nikki Reed, who play Alice and Rosalie, and end up being comic relief as well. Who wouldn’t want an Alice to pick your wardrobe? Or a Roselie to kick some ass? And surprisingly, I was intrigued by Julia Jones’s character Leah, who had a poignant line about being the odd one out among the wolf pack. Although, of course, she mostly gets shuffled to the side in the story.
3. The budget seemed to have improved. Bella and Edward’s forest wedding was absolutely gorgeous, and the effects and settings seemed less cheap than in the other movies (always a plus). Money seemed to be used in all the right ways, for once.
What doesn’t make it worth seeing:
1. While Bella and Edward’s nervousness about their first time was appropriate, what seriously put me off was the way Bella practically begged for sex, after Edward decided it was too risky after their wedding night. Really? REALLY? Not only does that make it the worst honeymoon ever, but having her beg for sex is disgusting. I get Edward’s reluctance since he did hurt her. Obviously, that needs to be avoided—but can’t this be addressed in a different way?
Bella’s desperation is sending the wrong message to all the 12-year-old Twi-hards out there—namely that men control women’s sex lives, and prostrating themselves is the only way women will get laid. This has been going on since the beginning. Who kept begging to get married? And to fool around? Or even just to kiss? Exactly.
2. Before I went to see it, I asked one of my friends how the director was going to split one crappy book into two, feature-length movies. The answer? Make everything that’s unimportant and boring stretch as long as possible.
They spent way too much screen time on the wedding, the honeymoon, and horribly boring shots of nothing valuable. For example, I don’t think they could’ve had more shots of Edward and Bella staring at each other from opposite ends of the wedding aisle. We get it! They’re in love! Fabulous—now move on please.
The interesting part doesn’t start until halfway through, when she gets pregnant and starts starving to death because the baby is sapping all of her nutrients and fat. I was expecting the writers to conjure up some new plots or boost the drama of the original, but no. Building up the real action would be too easy.
3. Most of all, however, I just don’t think Kristen Stewart should be the star of any movie. Ever. She has her moments, but they’re few and far between. Her acting is so stilted and awkward that it’s distracting, and she has no personality or intrigue as an actor. Then again, Bella doesn’t have much personality to begin with, so it’s only half her fault.
What would make this movie better:
At the point where Bella and Edward are about to have sex, he suddenly kills her (or eats her, whichever works). Then the camera cuts to Edward back at the Cullen mansion, laughing with his family and drinking merry goblets of blood, as they plot their next victim. This could even lead to more movies or a campy sitcom, because we all know a Cullen family comedy series would be the best. Summit Entertainment could make more money too (as I’m sure they want anyway), so everyone would win. Plus, I’m starting to doubt that anyone truly likes Bella. Am I wrong?
